Need parenting advice from parents of teens...?

My oldest son is 16, and he has always been a really good kid. Lately he has started running around with a boy who I don't approve of - they are getting in minor trouble with the law, fighting, etc. He's also been running around with a girl who I know is not a virgin, her mom pays for her motel rooms and gets her condoms and beer. I know if I forbid these relationships he will sneak around. How can I pursuade him that these kids are not the best choice without damaging our relationship? His dad says I need to let him learn on his own and make his own decisions. I'm just not ready to let go just yet. Is there anything I can do?Need parenting advice from parents of teens...?
Who is the parent here? He should not be running around at all. He is only 16. All his friends should be screened by you and if you do not approve of them he should not be seeing them. When he is an adult he can pick all his own friends. He is not an adult yet and you need to pull in that rein. You are just asking for trouble giving him so much freedom. You are not your child's friend, you are his parent. If he has been in trouble with the law you have good reason to ground him and set some strict house rules now before it is to late.Need parenting advice from parents of teens...?
~Falls face forward onto her keyboard~


Oh dear god, I'm moving out of the country when my children become teens.





I know you are in hell right now, I think you should do all that you can think of to take control. You CAN disallow him this life he is choosing. Your time is running out though, but don't let that deter you from acting for HIS OWN BENEFIT today!





I wish you luck!!
He's only 16, you don't have to be ready to completely let go. If I were you, I would put my foot down, you have two years to go until he possibly moves out of the house. Do you really want to deal with that for 2 years. And tell your husband to get on the wagon, you can't do it on your own. What kind of mother would buy her daughter a hotel room with beer and condoms. How old is this girl, if I knew about that I would be calling social services. Try talking to a counsouler or a support group that could give you ideas and suggestions as to what to do. This is where the expression TOUGH LOVE comes into play!! Nine chances out of ten he won't listen to you, you are gonna have to find a neutral party that can talk to him. Send him away to a camp of somesort, make him get a job, do something cause if you don't it may be to late.
i am not a parent but his dad is right. unless your son is involved with drugs you need to step back and let him fall on his face. maybe a night in jail will scare him senseless. it is hard to let go but sometimes its best to let them live and learn.
I think he has to figure it out for himself. Let him nkow u dont approve but respect his choices. If the girls mum buys her condoms at least she does not have STD's and is practicing safe sex
they like that stuff but remember when u were a teen
Wow, I didn't read this one...it tells the whole story. I just answered your other question about the girl. You really need to set some boundaries and start acting fast, or your teen is going to spin out of control. First, The best advice is getting him ontrack with God, but that takes some time and effort from you and your husband. Second, your husband and you need to be on the same page as Parents.


Third set some curfews, rules, and consequenses and follow through with them. Tell him you want to be able to trust him, but running around with these types of friends are going to lead you not to trust him.


You need to cut off the friendships of these two people as well.


And yes he needs to learn to make his own decisions, but he needs to be given the skills to do that by his parents. Sounds like the Dad needs to start steppin up, get into the picture and start setting some laws down for his son.
Without patronizing him or talking to him like he is your child, talk about his behavior in a very grown up way, such as a boss would talk to an employee. Just talk about the behavior and assess his awareness of the (possible) consequences of his new friendships. Ask him if he is ready to face the consequences and tell him that his friendships are his decisions. It is true that kids need to learn important lessons like this one on thier own.
His dad is right... He has to live an learn... Just keep him away from hard drugs, I dont want him to end up like me... Weed is okay on weekends, alcohol is okay on weekends...
One question...who is the parent? You or him? Answer...YOU! If you don't want you son hanging with those people then you need to put your foot down. How would your parents have dealt with you?
if i may join in, i may not be a mother of teen yet..just got 5 and 7yrs boys. i have been through this with my dad. he always talked to me in `a father style way' you know what i mean. lots of do`s and donts, i understand their point and i love them but being a teenager then, what i must/need to do is the least i can`t then. Probably im a girl and the eldest, but it doesnt matter. every teenagers goes on the same process.





and now i got an early marriage at the age of 20. somehow i felt that they also admit the fact that they had mistakes on dealing with me when i was teen. what i wish them to be with me then..they are now to my brother, and they stick a lot to each other, they are best pals, anything that a parent should know my dad knows. would you believe that there are times that my dad and him peak girls on the beach for some fun. and sometimes open up girl`s stuff with both of them and shared their experiences. and my dad drinks up with his friends too, in that way my dad makes some simple investigations with my brother's friends. and he can give his advices too at the same time.





the best person who can do so with your son's problem is your husband. as the others says you cannot just let him go.. not yet the right tym.. and you can still do a lot of strategies.
'Well you can only do so much...Just tell him you are there for him and explain to him that you trust him and he should know what is good and what is bad. A lot of times you tell your kids to stop hanging out with someone that you don't approve of but instead of listening to you they do the opposite. So it's always better to let them find on their own, remember you can only learn from experience. Regarding that girls mother, I'm a mother of 3 girls 13,15 and 17 and I don't see myself doing anything like that for my girls(paying for motel,beer and condoms) she is acting like she's like a friend not her mother! I am against teen pregnancy, its ridiculous that now days you tell them everyday, you see so much advertisement and the consequences of having a baby. I don't understand how can parents tell their kids ';its OK...have the baby- I'll help you take care of that baby'; NO it's not OK...there is so much in life for teenagers to do not get stuck with a baby at a young age! Like your husband says he will learn to make his own decisions.
increase your family activities together...fun stuff, so that he feels it's a positive environment to spend time with family. it's normal developmental progression for kids to start breaking away from their parents at this age.





however, that doesn't mean they need to move in a direction that can get them in trouble. you need to state the family rules, and what the consequences are for breaking them. say what you mean and mean what you say.





catch him in the act of good behavior and acknowlege it: great job getting home before curfew, i appreciate the effort you're making to follow the rules, etc.





kids have a need to know what their boundaries are. this doesn't mean they won't test them. i never got into grounding, as it meant i had to be grounded also. taking away or restricting privileges can be more impactful. make sure that the loss of privilege is stated in the consequences.





as your son understands how much fun it is to be with family, and that rules and boundaries come from a place of love and guidance, he will make better decisions and choices for himself. best of luck to you.
You ask the question is there something I can do? yes you can pray that all the work you did up to this point will stick and he will come to his senses, I am never surprised at mommies, when their little boys or little girls stop wanting to play with toys and find other things of interest. If a parent has done their very best to TEACH and RAISE a child, If the Child is not a BAD SEED, you can only sit back at the age of 16 and hope to see them make the choices that will allow you to breathe easier, however at the age of 16 wondering if there is something you can do, no simply look back at what you have done and hope it was enough.....
This is a difficult one. Children/teens need to see their own error of their ways and screw up and then they'll understand that they were wrong to do these things. But if he is in trouble with the law... that is another matter... things could go from just minor to major and then he's in deep you-know-what. There are times for parents to let their kids make their own mistakes and learn from them... but then there are times to step in and set guidlines and steer him away from the 'bad/detrimental things'





Does he have an uncle or older cousin that you could have speak with him and advise him of the consequences of his actions. No kid really wants his parents to be 'advising him etc' as it may come off as naggy or annoying or whatever. But if an uncle or cousin speaks with him. He may see the error of his ways.





As for the mom of the girl who pays for her motel room, condoms and beer. I don't know what to say about that situation... someone who obviously doesn't really 'care' about her daughter. She obviously condones sex %26amp; underage drinking... (shakes head) Don't understand her.
Beat the living Hell out of him... Before he ends up in prison! What are you waiting for ! ? ! ?





Use your best belt....
You have reached the point where you have a child/man, and no matter what he says, he still needs your guidance. Maybe now more than ever. Try to maintain your cool, and treat him like an adult. Like your husband is saying, he has to learn consequences and accountability. Be consistant, tell him what the consequences will be if he does xyz, and then if he still makes a choice that you've warned him about, make sure you serve the consequences on him. Talk to him, tell him you love him, and tell him even though he is nearly grown - he isn't - and that he is going to have to answer to his folks when he goes nutty. Testosterone. Wildly surging emotions. Frontal lobe development! Its no fun being a teen. Be strong right now, he is pushing limits, as he should really- he is starting to discover who he is, apart from being your son. You mention that he has always been a really good kid-he still is. Trust him, trust all that you have done as his mom, and know that your relationship will survive if you can both maintain your love and respect for each other.Good luck!
i know this isnt what you want to hear but, he'll learn from his own mistakes. I mean you are who you are now because you made mistakes. let him live and learn. if it gets to the extremes to where his life is being endangered than thats when you should take some action. dont scold him cause that will only make matters worse. talk to him like an adult and and give him advice. dont make it sound like your telling him what to do cause you know he'll just do the opposite.
hello.


this answer may not be the one u were looking for, but as a teen this wat i can tell u


i dont think its a good idea to let him learn through his mistakes coz then it might be too late and his days as a teen may only leave him guilty of his actions for the rest of his life.moreover there may be a day when he might blame u for being bad parents. he will also set a bad example to his siblings.


i guess it wud be better if his dad talks to him abt growing up into a man and the desires that may crop up during the transition phase. this is a very sensitive issue...he might think u r interfering in his life and yes..sneak around or become arrogant and not listen to u at all. so the talk should not offend him or embarrass him. be as caring and polite as possible but still be the 'parent' and may be just suggest him to try out new frnds or have a hobby to engage him. tell him u r as worried abt him as he wud be if his younger siblings wud take a wrong path(well if he really cares)





all ican say is that once u start the talk u will know wat to do next and how to deal wit it....try to normal , not over caring or some sudden change in ur attitude towards him...let it be a gradual one....
move away and take him with you. sounds like you and he may have lost some closeness you need to find a way to get close to him again.